I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
