the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Im part way to drunk.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
