do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
