oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
