whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
