forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
