her vagine was all disorganized.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
