i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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