he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
