I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize