I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
