Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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