I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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