She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
