mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
