so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
