She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
