when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
