i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
