Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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