my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
