This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
