Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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