need another drink. this is the easiest way
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
