as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
