this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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