his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
