Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
