i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
