Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
