If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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