doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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