Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
