in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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