you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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