What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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