you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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