dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
