i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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