No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
