I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I would ride that face into the sunset
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
