i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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