Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
