Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
