Where did you get a picture of my penis
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize