I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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