I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
