Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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