I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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