That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
