I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
