Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hippo gnu deer
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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