Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
