I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize