coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize