Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
