im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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