I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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