oh god the rape fog is back!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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