You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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