you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize