worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
