In the future we'll all be gay
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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