dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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