we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize