how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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