Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
