Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
