bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
