I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
