Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
