After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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