so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
