it hurts more in the daytime
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
