Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
