his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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