I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
