THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
