you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
