We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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