Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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