I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
