Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
