Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
