I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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