I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
