I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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