How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
